How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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