I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
