got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize