I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Mom said you looked used
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
