Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
