I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
