the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
