What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
there is puke in my bra ... again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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