I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
