Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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