you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
