If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
