just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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