When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
