i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
People in love make me want to vomit
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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