you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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