so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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