Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
