I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
