how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
