The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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