Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
