I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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