I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
