Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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