Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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