no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I love having hate sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize