We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
These tits shall not be calmed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
