Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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