no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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