my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
