today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
two words...techno handjob
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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