new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
