I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
