I just made out with a guy for $7.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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