this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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