I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh god it's open bar.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
