she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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