I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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