Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
