I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
