this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
