can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
