whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
