Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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