I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you never un-have a 4some
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
