My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
