and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
