I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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