i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
