my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
