so explain again why im purple
no
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
