no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
