i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dick very happy bro
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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