I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
