i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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