I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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