It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
