in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
