ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
