we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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