smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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