You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize