my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
