he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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