we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
