I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
