That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
