So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
this is an emotional support booty call
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
