apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
