Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
