Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize